Even after having my two children, it’s taken me years to trust in God’s perfect timing and ways. When you’re in the middle of a long wait, these truths feel difficult to believe. God’s purposes are right, loving and on time. In the dark moments of hurt, frustration, doubt and mistrust, I had to remind myself of who God is and what His purposes are. But I do know what Psalm 33:11 shares with us, 'But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations' (NIV). To be honest, I don’t have an exact answer now for why God asked me to wait to have children. Years went by before I eventually conceived my daughter. Questions of “when” and “why” fill your mind and heart. Days, months, even years have passed without a glimmer of change. You may be waiting for a new job, a second chance at a relationship or a cure to poor health. Many of us face long delays in seeing the desires of our heart come to fruition.

Without constant awareness of my need to allow truth to steer me, I could easily get lost wondering why God didn’t love me, assume He was punishing me or even question His ability to help. Struggling with infertility can take you down some winding roads full of dark thoughts and bumpy emotions. I felt this way for more than two years as the object of my desire became greater than the Person of my faith. When things don’t happen accordingly, we retaliate by ignoring God. Resolving that God was mad at me, I was furious with Him. Medically, I was doing everything right spiritually, I was not. For two years, we endured infertility testing, but noone could explain why I was unable to conceive. However, avoiding pregnant friends did not ease my pain or subdue my longing. My husband and I purposely socialized with friends who were not expecting or didn’t have children. I began to decline invitations to the multitude of blue-and-pink parties. That just didn’t seem fair, so I determined that God wasn’t fair. Why can’t I get pregnant? What is wrong with me? What have I done to warrant such punishment from God? My girlfriends were getting pregnant. The desire to be a mother consumed my thoughts. No matter how many tests I took, needles I got stuck with or remedies I tried, I could not get pregnant. My dreams came to pass, except one - a house full of children. Growing up, I had a set plan for my life. “But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11 (NIV)

Wait and See by Wendy Pope